You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
