I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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