Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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