Already got asked if we're dating
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
