I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You pole danced in your parka.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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