we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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