i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
