oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Your topless pictures make me question reality
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
