I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
