There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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