Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
