My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
