Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
