im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
