Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
