You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
