I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
