How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Let's get the cat blown out
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
