how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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