I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
