And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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