pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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