You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize