She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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