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She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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