I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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