You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
