he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
