Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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