I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
