you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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