Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
