Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
