I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
