oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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