You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
