so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
