you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
