i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize