my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
