Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
