Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
dude. I can hear the air.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
