how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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