what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
