Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
