whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Someone shattered a urinal.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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