She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
