hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
