'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
