I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
