I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize