dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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