I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
