Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
