Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
