I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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