I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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