i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
