The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
