Dual....:-)
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
