So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
