By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
