Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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