He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
