Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
