I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
