You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
