so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
