he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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