I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize