hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
