i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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