he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I love you. Go after that dick
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize