my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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