What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
