Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
