I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
