She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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