Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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