Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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