You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
