you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My vagina is very pro this idea
FUCK WHALES
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
