i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
