Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
