You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
