What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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