its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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