i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
