Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
