So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize