we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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