if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
