that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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