I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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