i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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