Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
