All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
