legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
