Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
