Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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