8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
